Parasites in Mommy's Belly
by Elfzilla
Summary: Warning: Don't read this crack fic. Side effects of reading this inlude bleeding gums, hysterical pregnancy, hairloss and genital implosion.
1. Infected with babies

_Author Notes: A lovely story I wrote for my "friend" Samelia. _

Once upon a time, there was Catbreath and Dogface. They were into some heavy shit.

"I've got the anal beads!" Declared Captain Amelia.

"I have the ass vibrator!"

The giggled as they performed on each other then proceeded to piss all over each other's faces.

"OOOOH. HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT I LOVED GOLDEN SHOWERS?"

"YOUR MOTHER TOLD ME."

"MMM YAY."

The next day, Doppler approached the Captain, clad in a black leather gimp suit.

"I can't, Delbert," Amelia whispered, averting her eyes.

"Why not?" Pleaded the Doctor, unzipping the mouth hole of his mask.

"Because...I'M THE PREGGERS!"

"ZOMG WTF!" Declared Delbert.

So instead...Doppler proceeded to pee in her hair. It was very good. Mmm yes. Mmmhmm quite.


	2. Texting is Cool in the West Side

Author Notes: _OMG DO YOU LIKE THE FIRST CHAPPIE? _

_My life depends on whether you review or not! WAAAAAHAAAA! I will stab myself with a gun if you don't reviewwwww!_

The next day, Captain Amelia's belly swelled immensly, sticking out from beneath her uniform.

"Are you sure that you're preggers?" Asked Doppler.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Cried the Captain, pulling out her cell phone and texting on it because...it is like, so KEWL.

"Well, we should see the ship's doctor!" Doppler stood up dramatically, pointing a finger in the air.

"Wouldn't that be you?" Asked Amelia, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh...um..." Doppler shifted his eyes and then pointed above Amelia's shoulder. "LOOK! IT'S YOUR FAVOURITE CELEBRITY!" Amelia looked and when she turned back to Doppler, he was gone.

Later on she found him again. "You're taking me to see Silver. He probably knows."

"What evs, homie-G."

"FOR THE LAST TIME, DELBERT. YOU ARE NOT BLACK."

"West side!" Smirked Delbert, crossing his ring and middle finger, making a W sign. "OUCH! MY FINGERS!"

They proceeded down to the galley. WHAT COULD HAPPEN NOW. _dun dun dun_


	3. You Muh Babydaddy!

Author Notes: _YAY! My "friend" said that it waz, like, totally AWESOME. Yay! Now I won't kill myself. _

Catbreath and Dogface trudged down to the galley. Silver was assigning some tasks to his assistant, a young red haired girl (Author Notes: _OMG. THAT IS,LIKE, TOTALLY ME!!222 TEXT ME KTHX!!!ONE ONE ONE_). Silver turned and raised an eyebrow.

"Whut can I do for yeh?" Smiled the cook, wiping his hands on the front of his apron. His cabin girl poked her head from around his ample belly, curious about the Captain's own protruding stomach.

"I wanted to know if I'm preggers," declared Amelia loudly. Silver approached and stuffed a large thermnometre in her mouth. He pulled it out again and shook it, squinting at it.

"I'm afraid yeh are," said Silver in a solemn voice.

"SHITTING DICK NIPPLES!" Cried Doppler, resting against a table, feeling at a loss for coherant words.

"What am I going to do?" Amelia whimpered, looking at everyone in the room.

"I have a coat hanger!" Grinned the cabin girl, pulling out a rusty hook. Silver glared at her and her smile faded as quickly as it came.

"You can put it up for adoption," suggested Delbert, shrugging his shoulders.

"NO! IT IS MUH BEH BEH!" Amelia rubbed her tummy fondly, which grew twice it's size in just the space of three minutes. "AND YOU MUH BABYDADDY!"

"Your...what?" Doppler raised an eyebrow.

"MUH BABYDADDY!"

"What the fuck is that?"

"...Baby...Daddy."

"Oh. Right."

"Me thinks yeh need yer helmet and wheelchair," smirked Silver and his cabin girl giggled from behind him.

"WHAT AN EXCELLENT IDEA!" Doppler put on an old fashioned hockey helmet and sat in the wheelchair he stole from the infirmary. "DUR DUR DUR!" He drooled.

"UGH! I THINK THE BABY IS COMING!"

"HOLY GOLDFISHES!"

Author Notes: _What will, like, happen next? Will Amelia give birth to her baby? OH SHIT I MADE A SPOILER. _


	4. Silver is a dirty cyborg

_Author Notes: OMG. Aren't I, like, totally the bestest author EVA?!?! WHY AREN'T YOU TEXTING MEEEE? EUGH! I WILL GO CUT MYSELF WITH MARSHMELLOWS!_

Everyone jumped while Amelia screamed in agony. Doppler looked around, his helmet lopsided, feeling faint.

"EEEEEUUUUUUUUGH!" Amelia screamed as her water broke, fluid splashing onto the floor.

"FUCK! I just mopped!" Swore the cabin girl. "You dirty bitch!" She shouted at Amelia.

"OH NO YOU DI'INT!" Screamed the Captain and leapt at the cabin girl, pulling at her long red hair while Amelia's shins were getting kicked by Elfzilla.

"...And I thought you told me that no one was allowed to pretend to be black on the ship," grumbled Doppler, put out that he couldn't be a gangsta. Doppler nudged Silver in the belly, but he seemed oblivious to it.

"Shh shh shh, lad. I'm waitin' for some action 'ere," whispered the cook.

"Action?" Asked Doppler.

"Well, sir, t'ere is a wee chance t'at one of their bosoms are gonna fall outta their shirts, eh. Then t'ey might get aroused, see, and start ta kiss one a'nother," explained Silver, grinning wide.

"..." Doppler blinked a few times. "You are a dirty old man."

"Aye...aye," said Silver, still grinning. "I'm a lonely ol' cyborg."

"EUGH. I FEEL THE CONTRACTIONS." Suddenly, a kitten fell out of Amelia's va-jay-jay. Amelia severed the umbelical cord and began to swing her newborn at the cabin girl as though brandishing a dangerous weapon.

"EWWW. A BABY. My one weakness!" Squealed Elfzilla and ran next to Silver, pressing herself against his side.

"T'at's right, lass...press yer bosoms against my arm just like t'at...ohhhh yeah..." Silver moaned loudly. Elfzilla did a face very similar to oO...but then shrugged it off and stayed in the same position.

Suddenly, two more kittens and a puppy fell out of Amelia's cooter, making very amusing "BOIOIOIOING" sounds as they bounced off the floor.


	5. Loads of crotch fruit

_Author Notes: OMG. LIKE. ANOTHER CHAPPIE. Excuse me while I go look for laxatives in the hair bleache aisle in the nearest store. _

"So...I guess I was pregnant, huh?" Said Amelia, picking up her newborns. Doppler raised an eyebrow.

"Gee...no shit, Sherlock," he said.

"FUCK YOU, WATSON!" Yelled Amelia.

"Best. Comeback. Ever." Said Comic Book Guy.

"So, how did yeh get preggers, Cap'm?" Asked Silver. Amelia rolled her eyes, knowing that the cyborg just wanted naughty details on the coitus she shared with Doppler.

"I must have sat on a soiled toilet seat," Amelia drawled in dripping sarcasm.

"OMG. Can you seriously get pregnant from that?" Asked Elfzilla.

"By t'under! I mus' be preggers too!" Silver looked down to his large stomach and started rubbing it affectionately. Amelia's jaw dropped and she snorted.

"AM I THE DADDY?" Asked Elfzilla the cabin girl.

"Was t'at yer blue vibrator I found in the lav'ra'tories?"

"It was..." replied Elfzilla, her eyes filling with tears of joy.

"Then...YES." Silver assaulted her with a bone breaking hug as both of them cried for joy.

Doppler and Amelia just stared while their infants were playing 'sticking forks in electrical outlets'. Yes. Electrical outlets are on old fashioned ships. DUH.

**THE END. **

_WHY WON'T YOU REVIIIIIIIEWWWWWWWWW?!?!?! OH NO. I SHOT MY FACE OFF._


End file.
